KISAH CINTA AKU ~ PENTINGGGG!!!

What a very sad story to share. I am about to cry all of the nights.  He broke my heart. I thought he was the one. This is the most cliche' story that one could ever come across but I guess it happens to the most of us. Sounds dramatic but it's true. At the moment, all I seem to do is feel hurt and it cuts deep into my soul and leaves me powerless and frightened. Sentimentalny!hoho! Sometimes I just want to scream in frustration as it feels like nobody notices me or the emotional pain I am in. I think a defining moment in one’s life comes the instant we realize what we could have had. I knew I was falling completely, totally, hopelessly head-over-heels for this man. Maybe I couldn’t accept that right then. I know I was scared of being hurt again . I missed him all the time, but was still afraid to admit how I felt. Eventually, those hidden feelings backfired on me.  I tried to move on from all the heartache and sorrow. I started working and studying more, keep enjoying my exercise, meeting people, and doing whatever I could to rebuild the happiness I felt I needed and deserved. I found that time does heal the pain, but you have to work at it a bit and look ahead to find that bright light in your life after such pain. I could have sat back, wishing, wanting, and holding on to a past I had no control over. I could have allowed all the grief to swallow me up. Instead, knowing I had to get on with my own life, I made sure to embrace every opportunity to do so. Sure, I still felt pain and sadness, but it helped tremendously to stop and appreciate the small things in life for their simple beauty. Getting out there and living each day the best I could made time pass easily and pain fade over time. Most of all, I learned never to bottle up my thoughts and emotions. It was good to talk; to remember. 

Huhu. He is my  first love and it was  very painful, but i can asure that  there is life after this guy and one day i  will really-really understand that :) Yess, i  need to find that inner strength to end it and i truly believe from the way things are, it won’t be long. We all change as we get older and want different things in life and i will also.

 You know what? I am being faithful to him all of the time before. I admit that i never flirt at another guy even i am being tackled by some "dream guy". I tried to give all of my commitment and being commited in this relationship but then everything is just like a dust. We are just different :( Because of this kind of religion. I am an Adventist and he is a Roman. Maybe some people laugh at this time about the thing.But, i tell you my self, u will never understand a person until u walk a mile in their shoes.Don't simply judging people from their words! You get into this story and You know it urself. I have been pray hard for all this time. I hope that his family will change their heart and accept me just the way i am. I hope they won't push him to let me go.But, everything is wasting time.I ever said this to God.Omo! I am so bad!sorry dear God. My friends said to me "If he really2 love you then he will fight for this challenge " Huhu.what a killing respond. And you know what , he ever told me not to hear what people say about us,about the difference. He warn me before, don't care what people say.This is our relationship.And we have the right to make it real and fight for what they think we don't.  Can you imagine how confident i am? Huhu. Now he is gone from my life for good.  I wasn’t looking for love, I wasn’t planning on falling for anyone but he came and it changed everything.  Sometimes I want to cry in front of him and ask him why he did this. I don't want to give up in our relationship but the moment he said " Sia x yakin sudah sama relationship kita sekarang ", wouww!It's like crackssssss!!Crushhhhhh!! Within 60 seconds, i said to him " Lepaskan saya". How can you stand and fight for your relationship if he said so??? He told me not to care what people say, but then he admit it himself..He cares for what his family and friends said. Omaigoshhh. At least, fight baa! But he is too young maybe to make the desicion.It's okay.It's allright.

x kena edit ni picture.b r la!Gambar kami time malam apresiasi muzikal di maktab. hehehe. 

I know he loved me so much. And i do so. We are bestfriend . I know him since in 2009. And fall for him in 2011. I am officially in a relationship with him in 17 May 2011 ~The day after his birthday. We live our relationship just like bestfriend, hang out sometimes, practicing music and koir, study together in the library..have a meal together. There's nothing more than that.And i really love that relationship.He do respect me so much.He treat me like a woman.A precious woman. I am thankful for having him as my beloved soulmate because he do respcet me. He is different ~ And i trust him! We are not like the others. I told him "if u really love me, then u can wait " Thank you my dear!! That's why i love you so much!U treat me like a woman. 

He said i am so precious to him. I am an angel for him,Huhuhu( mihad sia ingat ni...) He said, i am talented  and i am his dream future wife.Aduiiii..sedih ouww.He said, i have a good heart and that's why so many people like me.That's why i have so many friends. He said i am short but i am pretty( blueekk.not angkat bakul) hoho. He said I like everything about you.I don't care u're doing sport and sometime u looks messy n darkkkkk..hehehe..aduiii. He said to me " I am proud..My girlfriend is talented.She can sing.She can play music.She can do sport.She can Cook. She can talk in the public.She can be a motivator. She can be a baby sitter.She can be a teacher.She can be a nurse.She can be...mcm2.." That's what he said to me.He adore me so much. I don't know.I never realize all that~i live my life freely and he is watching everything. He knows me well. 

I can't describe how it feels seeing him around campus. I feel like everyone expects me to be superwoman and that I am just there ! Someday, everyone will know.We are broke up :)

~But this is a good news!! I am stronger than yesterday! I know this is God's answer. We broke up for good :) i believe that there's someone special for me.waiting for me.And he is a Godly man! !! Thank you God for this lesson. I will seek your peace and mercy.Focus on you. Thank you for loving me. With God all things are possible.hehe.Trust me,I can handle this. I may not forget him but i can change the feeling. Yess i doooo!!!  It takes time. Esther is full of inspiration.So don't misunderstood me :). And agen, last night i went through his FB profile.And i saw someone.A girl..His new gf maybe :) Seems close and sweet. God bless both of you dear. I am deeply hurt but this is the truth. I saw their comment " Masak sasau together.moginum together.rumamai together.."hiihihi..semua yang saya tidak dapat buat :) I don't eat sasau. i don't drink. i Don't go for aramaiii tie. I don't go for clubbing :) x apalah kan? Saya ada kebahagiaan yang Tuhan sudah rancang. Walaupun ini pilihan . Indahnya dunia jika saya benar-benar mengerti hikmah itu :) saya sayang dia sangat-sangat sehingga saya masih fikirkan keadaan dia.hati dia.sedangkan, dia memaksa saya untuk mencintai lelaki lain.Amat cepat. biarlah rahsia.ada lagi sesuatu yang belum beres antara saya dan someone yang i called dady~Mr Nikon..Saya mahu bereskan semuanya sebelum saya benar-benar belajar mencintai orang lain..Palan2 ba esther..Heheeeeehe.saya tidak mahu pilih lelaki alang-alang.Kalau niat mahu berseronok atau mahu lupakan kesedihan, jangan cari saya. Kalau awal-awal sudah pandai menipu, buat apaa??Buang jauh-jauh. Semua orang mahu pasangan yang setia.At least..komitmen baa..apa-apapun, saya juga tidak mahu orang lain terluka.Just wait and see what will happen :)